I thought for a long time what I should say to you. I cant say sorry or I was wrong because I wasnt yet here I lay on top of your grave wondering how I can be forgiven. How can I move one from this pain? My heart was broken and you didnt care. You hurt me deeply and lied to my face. You cant fix this type of hurt and I can look you in the eyes anymore especially since I buried you alive in this grave I am laying on. You only have a few hours of oxygen left which could be enough time to decide what I should do with you. Your phone rings and I answer it. Its that girl you cheated on me with. We speak. It doesnt go well. I hang up and decide what I should do. I loved you. I really did but now I have to go dig a hole for her. Guilty is guilty. I wonder how long you have been down there now.
Everything is typical like every day. I wake up and go to school. I deal with stupid people and watch their lives within my own but today was different. Someone in class noticed something off. She told me she saw a man at her dorm just watching her like he was studying her. I thought she was just crazy but then I never saw her again after that day. One by one people started to disappear until one day I noticed that man in my classroom. The room went dark but he was still there just sitting among my classmates. I was told by others to never say anything or approach him but I wasnt going to let him scare me so I got up and walked over to him and said “I see you”.
I fell in love with a demon. They call him Death. He creeps through the shadows taking souls one life at a time. He came for me but didnt take mine. He loves me. He loves me deep and hard until the moment of peak in pleasure. I want him forever but I am only mortal and unworthy of such love. I take my own life to be his bride so that we may be together eternally at last.
I thought I would spend the rest of my life in hell. You know burning for all eternity. I was always told that as a child because I didnt believe what they did. I dont like church. I pray and read the bible daily yet churches make me very uncomfortable. They act like they are saving my soul from damnation but they are not. My soul isnt tainted or evil. I have never harmed an animal or child. I am nice to everyone unless giving me a reason not to like Katie. Katie wasnt a nice girl. I remember seeing her beat her dog to death because her boyfriend slept with her friend. I had for sympathy for her but I cried for the dog. Her name was Jewel and I wish I had saved her. She got away with it. She buried her dog and told the police that Jewel ran away. I brought flowers to her grave everyday for a month hoping it would stop the guilt that ate at my heart. It didnt. I knew people like her could get away with murder even if brought to the light so I decided to be justice. I waited until it was night time to knock on her door. I confronted her and hoped she felt bad for what she did. She didnt. She said it was just some stupid dog. That broke my heart so I broke her nose. I watched the blood gush as she screamed for help. I gagged her and drug her outside to the backyard where she buried Jewel. I dug a grave next to Jewel that night and tossed screaming Katie in the hole. She begged and pleaded. I felt nothing for her. I covered the hole only leaving her head out for air…….I am not a complete monster you know.
Theres a new painting in my house and it speaks to me. Its not like a movie or a video that says things. It is a nonliving object that comes to me in dreams. Im not sure where this painting came from or how it got in my home but every time I remove it the next day it returns. Thats not the worst part. The picture is changing every time I try to get rid of it. The man….he looks like he is in front of my house in the painting now. How? I cant throw it out. Im afraid he will end up inside next time.
I think my tenant is a witch. She never comes down and she wears a lot of black. Dont get me wrong I do too and I have three black cats but something is off about her. When she moved upstairs she took all these idols with her. Im a Christian so I know what a demonic idol looks like not to be an ass. She wears this big hat too. Is she afraid of the sun? Wait then she would be a vampire. Well I saw her eat a sandwich so thats not it. She came down to get her mail one day. I was having some tea. She asked me about any human sacrifices available. I laughed but she was serious. I told her there are plenty of idiots to choose from just pick one. I was completely joking. Yesterday she said her pipes were making a weird sound so I called a plumber. He was up there for a long time. I heard a bump and something scraping above my head. Someone came by to remove his truck from my driveway when he didnt come out. I asked her what happened. She said he just left without his truck. Come on I am dingy but not dumb. I thought about calling the cops but she pays her rent on time, doesnt make noise, and is very pleasant to me. Well besides the missing plumber she is perfect. I guess that is not my business. What plumber???
So he left. I dont feel like its my fault but it probably is. Why are men so wishy washy? If he didnt want me why didnt he just say so. Instead he loves me and holds on gripping the oxygen from my heart and lungs. Im not mad. This is the first time I didnt want to suffocate a guy with a pillow or drown him in lemon juice. I feel proud.
Im beyond frustrated
Im at homicidal frustrated
I dont blame killers who get fed up and just wipe people out
I wish i was that brave
I swear people get on my nerves
I need to be karma at least the damn job would get done
What is fucking taking you so long karma?
Did you take a damn vacation?
It is autumn…..vacation is over.
I need someone to fire karma and hire vengeance
Now that guy will get it done
I never realized how much I love and wanted him until he decided to vanish. I can see his face and smell his skin. He doesn’t know I love him either. I cant tell him. I am not good with this stuff at all. I want to shout my love to him and say love me you bastard but I cant. I only have one song that describes my love to him. Ever heard the song Dont Leave Me Behind by We Are the Fallen. Every time I hear this song I can see his face. Its like wanting someone who doesnt even know you exist. I dont exist.
I ran you away
I always do that
I cant get hurt if you are not here
My heart aches
My mind cant escape
Full of regret and sadness
I did this to myself
Ill die alone
I deserve that too
First nice guy who did nothing wrong
Yet bruised and broken
I push you away
So i cry alone
Knowing that ill die alone
I am done
Ill go away
Make sure nobody can find me