Scared

Im hiding in the bathroom by night light as the demon outside my door approaches. I can feel the agony and despair it brings as it comes closer to the door. I can see a shadow under the door and hold my breath hoping it doesn’t find me. The knock shakes and rattles as I hide in the tub and wait. The door slowly opens as I see the shadow of it come closer to end me. When the curtains come open I only see its eyes looking at me. I scream and cry but I am never heard.

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An Ode to My Mommy

This is not my usual thing but I felt I needed to post this…..

I grew up the oldest children and resenting my life for having to care for my younger siblings. I wanted to be free and make friend not be a hermit freak. I grew up not knowing how much I needed my mother for everything. I didn’t understand how hard it was to be a mom or an adult. I resented her for having children I had to care for. I didn’t realize I needed her as well as them. I tried to run away first chance I got. I tried to block and blame her for me being a fucked up adult emotionally. Outside I look together but inside I fall apart daily keeping myself together. She needed me but too strong and prideful to admit it so my brother told me. I came home and swallowed my pride and hurt myself trying to put a relationship that was already rocky back together. I waited quietly for her to forgive me and love me again if she had stopped. She didn’t realize she needed me as much as I needed her. Now that I don’t need my mother I want her around all the time. As an adult, I appreciate her and look back at the years of resentment. Now I am at peace with her but mad at myself. A lot of people wish they had a mother like mine. She has supported me through my education and thanks to her I am successful. Even though I hold things inside I can never tell her I know its my fault and not hers. I love my mom and as long as she needs me I am here. As long as she wants me I will be around. Took me a long time to realize this and now I am 27 years old.

For all of us who still have our mothers and don’t realize how valuable she is just take the time to thank her. Appreciate her. Let her know through it all she is important. Don’t let past pain break you apart because one day she may not be there to answer back.

I am sorry mom for all the pain I have cause you and myself. Thank you.

Unusual Love

I remember when I first met him. I had just killed my abusive boyfriend who was giving me grief for two years. I called 911 and he showed up at my door. I was covered in blood yet very calm. I told him I was aware of my actions and completely sane.

He was very handsome, 5’9 with red hair and grey eyes. I fell hard instantly even though I knew I was going to jail. I didn’t resist or give him some bs story. I told him the truth from start to finish.

He looked into my eyes and somehow felt sympathetic. He told me not to worry about it and go clean up. I did as I was told and took a shower and changed into clean clothes. When I returned the body was gone and the house was clean but there was a note.

Dear Karen,

I am sorry about everything you have had to endure. I reassure you that no harm will come to you. It will be as if he never existed. I hope we can have lunch sometime and get to know each other. Don’t forget to burn this note. See you soon beautiful.

Love,

Sheriff Raven

This is by far the most romantic man I have ever met.

Footprints

I miss the winter. I miss snow. It doesn’t snow here and when it does it last a minute. I love the fresh prints my boots make in the snow when I first step outside. I love the snow angels and even shoveling the snow. The main thing I miss about snow is you know when some one is near. There are tracks or footprints of some sort to show someone was there. In my old neighborhood snow saved my neighbor’s life. She knew someone came into her home because the prints that led to the door and the wet prints entering the house. She got out in time but not here. Winter could be a killer season because who would know you were there.

Woods

Now, let me start off by saying I am a city girl through and through. I like driving through traffic and cussing at rude people in my native Chicago slang. But….I am married now and living in front of a serious wooded area. My husband is the opposite. He is a sweet country guy with a beard and long hair. Not me I am a rude fast talking know it all. So when we got married and moved to the country people were shocked. I have seen enough horror movies to know these things: black people die first (sucks for me), don’t go out at night (I don’t either way), and always lock your windows and doors (I lock the bedroom when I sleep). I don’t even have a doggy door because someone could come in. Now as paranoid as I am I love horror, write about it, read it, and especially watch it everyday. Why? I am a twisted individual who lets my baby listen to Metallica. Hey, I am a great parent just a odd human being. Anyways, I get off track easily. Those woods have got to go. I know my tall lumberjack husband loves bugs, fishing, and chopping wood but I don’t. Every movie you see with creepy unnatural stuff has woods or forest involved. All I know is if a killer comes out I will just burn the whole woods down. Okay thats extreme I know but its either him or us. Yes killers are normally men so I will say him. I am not afraid. Ive seen some horrible stuff growing up which made me a momma bear. I just don’t want some big creepy thing coming out the woods wanting my soul when my nearest neighbor is a mile away. I am not running a mile screaming for help. Anyways, my conclusion is our mind can play tricks on us because I swear there is something in those woods. At night you see shadows and even the dog wont go out. He is a huge dog so whatever is out there should be afraid of him. They say animals see the unknown before us. Soooooo I might call a priest or my mom and throw some holy water out there. I could be over exaggerating.

Random Thought

Why is everyone so obsessed with ghosts? Every movie or show is always someone trying to contact the dead. Then they end up with a demon of some sort. Why so curious? There is nothing fascinating about summoning the dead or speaking to something you can’t see. Honestly, it is dangerous and horrifying especially if you have other to consider. When I see a ouija board I run the other way.

Help

Im drowning in a stream or ocean and I cant breathe. I see no land as I struggle to swim. I wish I had learned.

I wash up on shore and I can taste the sand in my mouth as I gasp. I choke up water and the sun shines on me from up above. I am alive but I don’t know where I am.

I stand up and look around beyond the miles of sand. I don’t know what would be worse to drown or die of hunger in the sand.

I decided to walk through the sand. I had nothing on but a bra and jean shorts. My shoes were gone and my hair a hot frizzy puff mess. Thanks water. Damn.

I stare down at the sand watching my feet make prints. By then I am dry. No more water but not thirsty because the thought of water made me want to puke.

Before I could finally faint from my legs constantly moving I saw him.

In many stories and myths he moves the souls or takes them away for all eternity. He doesn’t look like the pictures in the books. No sickle or long blade holding on to a stick. He goes by Thanatos or the god of death but you make know him as the Grim Reaper.

He approached me and held out his hand. He wasn’t bones or pale white with a black robe. He was beautiful with green eyes and golden brown skin. His hair was black as coal yet shined like a pearl in the sun. I was inlove yet I knew he came to claim me. I was in the middle of nowhere and it was time for me to die.

A tear ran down my face as he stroked it away. He tilted my head up and smiled at me. I looked passed him to the endless desert and then back into his eyes. I had a choice to make.

I told him I wasn’t ready to give up yet. He told me he would wait for me. I grabbed his hand and told him thank you.

I made it out that desert and found my way to a forest where I now reside. You know like Tarzan minus the apes and stuff. I live in a tree and receive my nutrition from the land. I am not lonely.

He still comes around to check on me. He asked me was I ready again. I told him yes this time. I told him I would go if I could be with him forever.

I don’t know if it was all the time of loneliness or I lost all common sense in the desert but I wanted to be with him.

He accepted. So I left this world to be with death. Someone who took pleasure in taking lives and collecting them for imprisonment.

I wonder would that mean I was going to hell.

Twin

When I was kid I use to have a twin. We did everything together and shared secrets. As I got older she went away and left me alone. I use to ask my mom why my sister left me. Mom always had a worried look on her face. I spent many years in therapy because of my sister. Then it all stopped. Yesterday I saw my twin. She sat on the bed next to me. When I turned my head she smiled at me. I began to cry and she stroked my hair. I got up and backed away from her but when I came back she was gone. Later that week I went back to my therapist after 5 years of last seeing her. I told her what happened and she was worried. She told me that my mom never wanted me to know I had a twin who died when we were babies. My twin was a girl. My therapist told me nothing was wrong with me and felt I didn’t need to be seen. So I left. I went back home and sat on my bed. I waited for her to return but she didn’t return but I feel her now that I know it wasn’t just my imagination.

Dreams

I use to have this same dream every night. I am falling into this deep darkness and there is no bottom. After a few weeks I decided to speak to a specialist about this dream. Of course like many doctors they said it was normal. The dreams got more intense where you could feel the fall and your stomach tightened as you keep dropping. I would wake up drenched in sweat and my cats looking at me weird. I didn’t sleep for two days then finally my body passed out from exhaustion. I fell and fell until I hit the bottom. I stood up looking at the sky hoping to find a way up. Then I heard someone behind me. I ran but there was no exit. I sat down and closed my eyes hoping to wake up. I didn’t. I opened my eyes to find myself looking at my former self. She was crying and her eyes were black and hollow. I grabbed her hand and told her I was sorry. I woke up and the dream all made sense. Once I figured it out I stopped having the dreams.

Demons or angels

Recently my youngest cat has been staring at the walls or ceiling and talking to it. He seems content and does this only when he is in my room. His tail is never fuzzy and he is never angry. If they are angels why are they always in my room and if they are demons would my cat know? Animals are very interesting.