My First Love

I fell in love with my closest friend a couple years ago. He was everything I ever wanted in a guy but he died. He died in my arms and I never forgave myself for watching him die. There was nothing I could do. That’s all the doctors kept saying to me. There was nothing….I…could….do…..

Currently those words occasionally echo in my head at the oddest moment even when I am lying in bed staring at the ceiling. I recently started dating. My boyfriend isn’t the nicest guy but I feel like he just needs someone to love him and he will come around. He never listens to me or care about how I feel but one day he will see I’m good for him.

I found my love’s picture in a book that was his favorite. How did it get there? I honestly thought I stored all him pictures in the attic so I wouldn’t feel like hell every time I saw them. I must have missed one. My boyfriend saw it and made jokes about my dead love. I cried. How could someone be so heartless and cruel? He burned his picture right in front of me as I tried to stop him. He made me watch. Then he left. I tried to find the ashes. I couldn’t let it go.

I cried myself to sleep…….

I woke up to a noise in my home. My cat was sleep next to me and he wasn’t big enough to make a noise like that. I grabbed the knife I kept in my desk drawer. I figured my boyfriend came to be a jerk and honestly I wasn’t having his mess tonight. I didn’t want to stab him but I was fed up with his crap. When I got to the kitchen I was surprised to see it wasn’t my boyfriend. It was my love….

I stood frozen not in fear but my heart burst as I cried and said I was sorry over and over. He just smiled at me. I continued to cry as he walked towards me. I figured it was all just a dream but to see him again made every feeling I ever had even as a teen for him come back. He held my hand and I held his. He felt so real. I never wanted it to end.

The next day my boyfriend came over thinking every thing was okay but he figured he did nothing wrong. He sat on the couch and continued talking. The more he talked the more the impulse of me stabbing him came to my mind. I felt someone touch my hand. I looked to see my love. He touched my face and every sounded faded away. My boyfriend was still talking. I could see his mouth move. I think he knew I wasn’t listening so he slapped me. I stood there as he smiled at me. I felt confused as to how I ended up in this situation.

For a brief moment time stood still……then his screams of pain came over me. I watched my love stab my EX boyfriend over and over. Blood covered the walls and my floor. Blood splashed on my face as I smiled. My love grabbed a lighter and set my ex boyfriend body on fire. I closed my eyes as I embraced the freedom of one less jerk in the world.

I decided to let the house burn down. Of course I moved all the things I wanted from it first. I found a new place. It’s really nice. I took all the old pictures of my love and hung them around the house. Even my cat is happy about the new place. We decided to be together forever……….just my love and I.



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