Odd thoughts

Ive never really been a happy person or content. I struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a small child. I once broke free but the demon wouldnt let me go. It never wanted me to be free so it closed me off and every option I had. I use to hurt myself just to feel something besides the emptiness that went on for miles inside me. I havent hurt myself in months. I have needed to wear long sleeves or cover my whole body up anymore. I want to be free but the demon will reclaim me. It wont let me leave. Im not allowed to until I am no longer needed anymore. I wish I wasnt needed so I could go. The demon thinks it protects me by keeping me in this cacoon and fears of the outside world. Yet here I am wondering whether death will be the only time Ill be free. Everyone told me this all was a phase but I am an adult pass my twenties and the demon stays. This is not a phase. Now it is just survival.