So he left. I dont feel like its my fault but it probably is. Why are men so wishy washy? If he didnt want me why didnt he just say so. Instead he loves me and holds on gripping the oxygen from my heart and lungs. Im not mad. This is the first time I didnt want to suffocate a guy with a pillow or drown him in lemon juice. I feel proud.


Random thought

Im frustrated

Im beyond frustrated

Im at homicidal frustrated

I dont blame killers who get fed up and just wipe people out

I wish i was that brave

I swear people get on my nerves



I need to be karma at least the damn job would get done

What is fucking taking you so long karma?

Did you take a damn vacation?

It is autumn…..vacation is over.

I need someone to fire karma and hire vengeance

Now that guy will get it done

Missing him

I never realized how much I love and wanted him until he decided to vanish. I can see his face and smell his skin. He doesn’t know I love him either. I cant tell him. I am not good with this stuff at all. I want to shout my love to him and say love me you bastard but I cant. I only have one song that describes my love to him. Ever heard the song Dont Leave Me Behind by We Are the Fallen. Every time I hear this song I can see his face. Its like wanting someone who doesnt even know you exist. I dont exist.



I ran you away

I always do that

I cant get hurt if you are not here

My heart aches

My mind cant escape

Full of regret and sadness

I did this to myself

Ill die alone

I deserve that too

First nice guy who did nothing wrong

No rape

No abuse

No cheating

No anger

Yet bruised and broken

I push you away

So i cry alone

Knowing that ill die alone

I am done

Ill go away

Just disappear

Make sure nobody can find me


The beginning

Here I sit in the therapist office wondering did I deserve to be here and strapped to a chair. I did kill a bunch of guys and slit my wrists. Did that make me crazy? Am I crazy? Of course not they started it. I hate bullies. I was tired of being picked on. I was tired of the pain and tears. Well nobody will suffer anymore. The final straw was when I was left for dead and drugged on the side of the road. Friends? No. They could never be a friend to me. So I took them out. One by one they fell dead like flies. I am not crazy. Just a victim pushed too far.



I wonder can my soul be swollen. Can it suffocate me and choke me to death? Can I gag and try to caught it up to cleanse the darkness in myself? I have tried as I scream and scratched my throat bloody to get the evil out of me. He wont leave. He will never leave. He is me and I am him.


Not fast just smart

We were being chased but i am not sure by what. He thought it would be fun to play a paranormal game but it wasn’t we were going to die.

I was running out of breath as my friend kept apologizing. He pushed me to keep running as the lights in the streets started to go dark around us. I was going to die in my pajamas because my friend is a moron.

I turned around to see the dog like creature with hands like an owl’s foot. I told him it wasn’t me as I apologized and cried for my dumb friends behavior. I told him since he summoned him he could have him if he let me free.

He looked at me and approached me as I covered my eyes to prepare for my death…..nothing happened. I opened my eyes to see all the street lights on and my friend gone. I could here his screams getting further and further away.

I smiled because it was actually me who called him but I wasn’t going to let him take us both. Somebody has to live why not me.


Cold blood

I swam to a surface of blood. The sea bled red for miles. I climbed on land with blood on every inch of my body. I wiped my eyes to see not a soul around and I didnt know how I got here. I wasnt afraid. I was curious. There was no way out. Then two doors appeared. A gate keeper arrived to give my options to redeem myself from this hell. The first door was back to my old life which gave me a chance to prevent the mistake that sent me to hell. The second gate gave me a new life but I wouldnt remember my old life or my hellish experience. I love my family so I wanted my old life but I didnt want the bad memories of my life. I looked at the gate keeper and decided on the new life. He told me I couldnt change my mind and I agreed. The door opened as I stepped in………I should have went back to my old life……


Bleeding Soul

My eyes bleed and all I can think about is killing you. I watch you sleep and feel every ounce of pain you give me. I could kill you. I see myself stabbing you over and over. You dont love me and you never will. You are a manipulative person. I was a victim. I wanted love and acceptance. Its my own fault but I would go to hell if I could take you with me so we could suffer as one.



I lied awake taped to the bed. He stood over me with gasoline and a lighter. He wanted to sacrifice me to the devil. He said the devil wanted a pure soul. I laughed at him. I told him my soul hasnt been pure since birth. He stood frozen and confused as I cut the tape off my legs. I stabbed him in the chest repeatedly with the scissors. I poured the gas on him and set him on fire in the middle of the hotel room. I walked out the door and closed the door behind me.